When I was a young girl scout we used to sing by the campfire in an all American apple pie fashion. It was quite festive. As we stood in a circle and held hands on the camp ground, the smell of roasted marsh mellows, melted chocolate, campfire wood permeating the air we would sing: “Make new friends, but keep the oooolllddd….one is silver and the other gold.”
The topic of friendships has been a hot button amongst many of the circles of people I frequent. As we get older, our circles not only become smaller, but begin to split like atoms. Like a Venn Diagram (see example below) our circles sometimes split and completely disconnect or sometime cross contaminate each other.
We have all been there. You meet someone and they know someone who knows you or they know someone that you still hang out with. All of a sudden worlds collide and you become part of a larger group. This is perfectly acceptable on a Friday night when you feel like going to a bar in a said large group, but what about when you need someone to come pick you up on the side of the highway at 4am when your car breaks down? How do you know which friends are silver and which are gold?
Life has a way of throwing curve balls, wrenches in your otherwise everyday smooth plan. In college you had to do nothing but walk from your dorm to class and back and somewhere in between attend events and eat a cup of ramen noodles. There wasn’t much expected of you, hence friendships then had the same expectancy. Your need was comprised of someone to let you borrow their notes or drive you off campus to a party. You were expected to do the same as it was your duty because one back scratch warrants another.
In your mid 20’s and early 30’s your needs change. You need a loan, someone with a lounge VIP hookup, someone who will go and endure a movie about Abraham Lincoln, someone to hold your hair back after a night of debauchery, and someone to hand you a tissue when Mr. Douche bag decides to leave you for Miss. Breast Implants/Tummy Tuck. There are hundreds of reasons why you need someone in your life who you consider a friend. Again the question remains- how do you know which friends are silver and which are gold?
We all have that bestie…the one who has known us before we even knew ourselves; the one who’s ride or die; the one that if those secrets you shared ever surfaced you would be in some major trouble with the law! Yes that one. A bestie is like a professor with tenure. You have been friends with them forever and you know what you expect. Like an old married couple. So when other people come into your lives you expect them to act and react like your bestie. This is a major faux Paz on our part because friendships are not only circles in shape but have a hierarchy. Perhaps the definitions of levels below will aid in answering the question of which should be considered silver and which gold.
Bestie: refer to definition above and feel free to add your own definition because a bestie cannot be confused with others-you know who he/she is no questions.
Associates: these are people who you call when no one else is around. It could be an ex with a lavish bank account when you need unlimited cocktails. Or my personal favorite…the people you call to find out the up and popping spots to take your real friends to. You may also find yourself on the being used end. You get that call from that girl that ALWAYS has boyfriend drama. She’s relentless and gabs the whole time. Just when you are about to tell her about your day, she has to go because boo-kat she’s been bitching about for the past hour is calling on the other line. Sigh :-\
Friends: this can be a big group or a small group depending on how you roll. The larger the group the better chance there is of being disappointed with they let you down. I think a sizable group of 5 or less is favorable. Since I like to provide true to life descriptions this is what you should expect. A true friend allowed to be on this tier should follow suit like so: the ones that pick you up from the airport even if you land in La Guardia; call you every so often and tell you that they miss; call you to tell you a story of something that happened to them because they know you would appreciate their tale; follow up after the break ups, make ups, weddings to see how you are doing; treat your home with respect; allow you to come to their home and treat you like a family member; go above and beyond and expect nothing in return but an occasional bottle of arbor mist and a good cackle tale. Two way street with these friends are important!
With all this said- I hope that who’s who is obvious: Bestie-Gold/ Friends-Silver/ Associates-time wasters.
I will leave you with a friend analogy ditty my mother used to say: “if you surround yourself with shit, you’re a shit fly. If you surround yourself with fruit, you’re a fruit fly. At the end of the day doesn’t a fruit fly sound more pleasant than a shit fly?!” Feel free to pass that on as you wish….copy write pending….
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